The Dangers of Over-Ownership

Off the top? Bias. Controlling behavior. Gatekeeping. Dismissal of the expertise of others. Little perspective diversity. Diminished quality of work. Ineffective and small-minded teams. Lack of collaboration and performance. Failure to achieve desired outcomes.

Words matter. They are how we program our thinking, which becomes our actions, followed by habits, then behaviors, and finally mindsets. And mindsets, well, those can be the hardest things to change. It is essential that we are careful, thoughtful, and methodical about how we teach ourselves to think. Re-wiring is exponentially more challenging than establishing initial systems and frameworks. Words aren’t JUST words, they never have been, and they never will be. To own is dangerous. It makes us believe we can take more.

If you believe that you are the owner of all things, you risk damage not only to yourself but to your interactions and relationships with others. As these things degrade, the collective ability to create meaningful solutions, the collaboration that those solutions require, and a failure to achieve outcomes are nearly inevitable. We have to be careful about how our lesser selves interfere with our ability to expand the capability of our higher selves, of doing our highest good.

What are your values? If you spend time with them, with the principles, actions, and behaviors, you can line up who you are to who you aspire to be. It is all the same thing. You are you in every space you are. To develop or diminish in one area of our lives, we become that thing in every area of our lives, regardless of the masks we put on. As above, so below, is true in the connection of our mind, body, spirit, and emotional wellness in every place we interact, and in every environment in which we participate and contribute. The ripple effects are everywhere.

Ownership without requisite humility is a slippery slope because we do not ever really “own” anything beyond ourselves. We have to work from our place of influence to engage and inspire others to see the desired outcomes and objectives. If we do this correctly or teach others, we inspire, and we can build others as a by-product of our own internal efforts. To own and to serve are not necessarily in conflict with one another, but without thoughtful reflection, attention, and observation, it is certainly a risk.

We can become a model, an advisor, and a guide that helps everyone become a part of the solution. We can develop shared ownership. No one person can do this alone. We act as an usher and show people how to become the same. This activation drives the achievement and I dare to say victories that we all so deeply desire.

In our roles, as in many things we do, ideally, we can begin by carrying the mantle. Thoughtfully, slowly, and with care and engagement, we transition it to others as their behaviors, mindsets, processes, ways of working, and thinking change.

We cannot own because in all spaces we may optimally and ultimately be both transient and temporary. However, as we journey through these experiences, we also have the opportunity to highlight gaps, activate others, ask good questions, and create momentum by helping everyone rise. And to do this, we must first develop a laser-sharp capability to see things as they are and accept what is- ninja-level observation and enough experience to see what’s coming based on those observations. But again, that does not engender the responsibility of ownership, it is in the spirit of service that we can find sustainable excellence. Then, we begin to feel responsible for sharing what we see and what we know, and communicating it in such a way that we can point the ship forward.

To own outside of ourselves is to be responsible for everything and also to feel entitled to everything- to believe that somehow, it is ours and we can do whatever we want or conversely that everything is our fault. This is not the position of power that we imagine it to be. On both sides of the coin, it weakens our capability to progress. We are humans after all and we must be careful of the words we choose. It is what and who we become. For better or worse.

Responsibility – Action – Empowerment. Together, these look like ownership… but it is simply not the same thing.

Do the work to understand these nuances and no matter where you are, you can be a catalyst for change and a guide that enables collective success. Better yet, the transformation in others that you support through these experiences helps others to bring this mindset into their environments, and then to the people in those environments. It’s contagious and made more so by the way that this empowered way of working makes people feel. In the end, it is nearly always our feelings that guide us.

When I get frustrated with situations and people and want to own it all, I pull out my sticky notes and Sharpie and simply write, “Show Them How.” It reminds me of my better self and also my guiding principle to open at the close. It helps me re-center in service and keep everyone moving forward. There is nothing so inspiring as a synergized and harmonious team working in concert to do hard things. It is how we overcome obstacles and develop the character that enables us to keep on doing it- over and over and over again. I can’t help but think of the sports movies that bring me to tears. The story at work is the same. It matters to overcome together by enabling our better selves.

If that is ownership, guilty as charged, but I sincerely hope that the impact this approach has is so much more. Sustainable, lasting, creating real change in people, that creates real change everywhere they are. It makes things work better. It makes us better. I was once asked if I wanted to change people’s lives and I responded, “no, I want to help people change their own lives.” We forget sometimes that our jobs and work and projects take up more hours of our lives than nearly everything else. Who we are in our work is so much a part of the person we become.

My MO is building and contributing to the development of things that work so well, they no longer need me. To support people in such a way that they don’t notice that I fall back and they step forward. Until one day, they are doing it on their own, and have the confidence that stacking evidence provides. They will often believe that they did it on their own and the truth is, whether it is an individual or team, they did. All I did was highlight the gap, take action or recommend action, help them reflect, and create space to help them connect with their better selves. It’s usually followed by some good ah-has and great ideas, and stepping in to do things we are afraid to do with lots of breathing and belief. I work hard to hold their hand until they are ready to let go.

My final role in almost every initiative and project I have been a part of in my career is to help people see how they have grown, to remind them that is isn’t me, it is about us, and that the only way they can learn to do this on their own is to step in and do it. I build systems that help people thrive because it delights me, it fulfills me, and it drives me to be a better human every day. But, again, I don’t see that as ownership. It is building structures for empowerment that has an impact, that helps us all share in the ownership of our success.

Because they can, because we can, and when they come to believe in themselves and the people around them – it is a transformation that is difficult to dismantle.

I find “ownership” affronting unless it is shared or enabled and empowered by us into the person that is ultimately responsible, so instead of believing they own, they can walk forward in leadership. That is what I believe is real. That is the kind of outcome I seek. Anything else is transactional and potentially dangerous to developing the ways of thinking and behaving that make what we do matter.

Over-ownership is personally dangerous to me because it fuels my lust for control. It directs my energy to my lesser self. And that is not who I want to be. That isn’t where my power lives.

Please trust me when I tell you that the magic really is in the letting go. Owning costs too much and it is not sustainable. Learning to lead ourselves and others in shared responsibility and personal accountability provides and keeps providing. It transforms by the impact it has and how it expands.

If thinking in terms of ownership helps you ground yourself in can, by all means, use that word. But, please, take a moment and ask yourself what it means to you, connect it to your values, and to what you hope to achieve in your career and in life. Know what you are saying to yourself and make sure you know why. Consider responsibility, service, the opportunity to inspire and help others, and allow yourself to feel the reward you are working to create for yourself and for everyone around you. Words matter. Choose yours with care.

Breathe and believe, friends. Breathe and believe. It’s the little shifts that make all the difference.

annewinn.com blog | Originally posted on May 6, 2023 | Photo via Pexels

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